Tuesday, January 7, 2014

So, whose fault is it anyway?

Alright, I need to say this. Seriously, it’s a need. As in, if I don’t put it out there, I’m going to explode.

Recently a married couple who are close to me had their marital struggles come to a head when the wife discovered that the husband has been having an affair. For at least a year.

It sucks. It’s a horrible situation. I feel for her. My heart breaks for her. I pray for both of them. While I’m angry at him, I also know that part of him is hurting too.

But that’s not really what this post is about. This is about the reactions I’m seeing around me.

You see, my circle is (mostly) closer to him. I may be the only one in my circle who had a closer relationship with her.

And the reactions of those around me to the situation are blowing my mind.


Because there has been far more criticism of how she is reacting to the news, than to the fact that he did it at all.

You see, she chose to inform the world via Facebook. Now, not the best idea, I agree. And I think she agrees as well, as she deleted her original post announcing his cheating heart.

She now occasionally posts things about wondering how someone who was supposed to love you could be so mean, how heartbroken she is, etc. but nothing directly about the cheating.

But all I hear is:

“Can you believe she posted that on Facebook?!?”

“She shouldn’t have spread the word like that. It’s not helping anything.”

“Isn’t she thinking about their kids at all? Can you imagine reading that on Facebook about your own father?”

And so on and so forth.

Here’s the thing. I agree… to a point. But it would be much easier for me to agree with them if they said one word about what he did.

Where are the exclamations of:

“Can you believe he did that to her?!?”

“He shouldn’t have been unfaithful like that. It does no good.”

“Wasn’t he thinking about their kids at all?!? Can you imagine being unfaithful to your children’s mother?!?”

What bothers me isn’t so much the criticism of her actions (Although, personally, I’m not in that position, and I’m also a firm believer in if it happened to you then it’s your story to tell. If she finds it helpful to put it out there, it’s her story), what bothers me is the lack of criticism of his actions.

How can you criticize her reaction to the news, but not be just slamming him for what he did to cause the news? He broke his marital vows. He cheated on his wife of 20 years. He snuck, and lied, and cheated.

How can you criticize her reaction without judging him for creating the news? After all, if he had never done it, she would have nothing to talk about.

Again, do I think plastering such information on social media is the best way to handle these situations? No. But then again I’m not in her position (and by the way, neither are any of the people making these critiques of her actions).

But it blows my mind how they can feel comfortable criticizing her, without judging him 100 times as harshly for his actions.

And it’s kinda pissing me off.

That's all for now. As always, thanks for checking in.


Marianne said...

Since I've been working for family law attorneys, you would not believe the stories I hear. All very sad, especially when children are involved.

Unknown said...

My heart breaks for your friend!!! I was in her shoes once and reacted the same way (on myspace) And I had the pleasure of over hearing "well if that is how she reacts to everything, I don't blame him for what he did!" The thing is it's not in every woman's fairy tale therefore it's not something we prepare for......

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