Monday, May 14, 2018

Lost in the Middle

Yesterday was Mother's Day, the end of a long, busy Mother's Day weekend for our family.

Friday was Homeschool Field Day for Jena, then running errands with Jillian.

Saturday we had Jillian's birthday party, then dinner with my mother-in-law to celebrate Mother's Day for her.

Sunday Jena had a soccer game, then lunch with my mom to celebrate Mother's Day for her, then back to MIL's house for dinner to spend a bit of time with Jason's brother before he heads back to California.

There was no Mother's Day for me.

Yes, Jena got me a popsocket for my phone, which she bought when Jason took her shopping for Jillian's birthday present, and they remembered they needed a gift for me... but only after they saw the Mother's Day signs at Target. Even though they both knew the errands I was doing included shopping for presents for my mom & MIL.

It was a busy weekend, a good weekend, but the truth is I was forgotten, lost in the middle.

Kids, kids, parents, kids, parents, kids, parents, parents. No me.

I suppose this is what middle-aged really means. You're in the middle. Doing it all on both ends, but getting lost in the meantime.

As I sit here sorting out my feelings as I write, I realize it's not so much about the holiday itself, it's the getting lost, the invisibility of it all.
It's not that there wasn't time to squeeze in something for me, it's that it wasn't even thought of.
It wasn't that my gift wasn't something I particularly wanted, it's that the idea of a gift was completely forgotten.

I'm a mom. I've been a mom for nine years. Not only am I a mom, it is quite literally my job. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I'm a homeschooling mom. I literally spend 24/7 being nothing more than a mom. A noble job, don't misunderstand me, but it is what I am, what I do. And yet on the one day a year set aside to celebrate that very thing, I am completely forgotten, lost in the middle of generations.

Spending half of my weekend tending to our children's activities, and the other half celebrating our own mothers, putting in the time & effort to try to make everything nice for everyone else, but at the end of it, there's nothing left for me.

It sounds a bit whiny, I suppose. No one's paying attention to me and what-not. But it's what I'm feeling at the moment, take that however you must. It just would be nice to be noticed from time-to-time, to be appreciated. But such is the life of a mom, I suppose. Taking care of everyone else so they can do their things, and the act of taking care becoming the one thing that is yours.

It's so easy to become lost in the middle, lost in motherhood. I've recently tried to stake a claim in some activities in order to retain my own identity, give me something that is mine alone to do, and I'll detail that a bit in my next post.


What about the other moms reading this? What do you do to make sure you don't get lost in the middle? What steps have you taken to hold on to yourself while you take care of others?

As always, thanks for checking in!

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