Sunday, July 28, 2013

Excruciating. In more ways than one.

I'm pretty sure I had another miscarriage.

I can't be sure, but... I'm pretty sure.

No positive test this time. No test at all.

Three months after my miscarriage my cycles are still completely screwed up, so I wouldn't know when to take it anyway. I try to remember to pee on a stick once a month, but... eh.

So here's the story.

Even though my cycles have been messed up, I've not gone longer than 4 1/2 weeks between cycles. Usually 3 - 4. I was expecting my period any day, but day after day it didn't come.

I knew I was late when Jason asked me why I hadn't started yet.

The same time I was waiting for my period to start I had the same excruciating pain in my back that I had 3 months ago.

Of course, 3 months ago, with no history of miscarriage and a LONG history of back problems, I thought my back was acting up, even though the pain was different.

This time, I recognized it immediately. The same pain. In my back, but just slightly off to the left side.

Excruciating. On a scale of 1 to 10, I give it a 73.

And this is coming from a woman who has been dealing with back pain for 10 years.

But it only ever lasted a few seconds. The longest time maybe a full minute. Then it would go away.

I was worried. Waiting for my period to start and a pain I recognized as occuring the same time as my miscarriage? Yeah, I was worried.

Then my "period" started. Maybe a week later than I expected. Heaver than normal. More clotting than normal.

Probably because it was an early term miscarriage. Probably.

Until now, I've only ever told Jason.

I just don't feel like re-hashing it again and again. I cried twice, and try not to think about it. In fact, this happened several weeks ago. I just didn't feel like sharing it yet.

But I like keeping my progress up to date on my blog. Both for my readers, and for my future reference. So there ya go.

As always, thanks for checking in.

4 comments:

Susan said...

I am so sorry....
Susan

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

Oh Jodi, this is just so sad... I wish there was something I could say that would make a difference for you.

Megan said...

I am so sorry. I had a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage) in april. For me, I was really a mess for a few days, and then really at peace. Now it comes and goes. The grief comes out of nowhere. I wrote a post about it here: http://www.firewifey.com/peace-like-a-river/
I'll be praying for you.

Fire Wife Katie said...

I'm so sorry! (((Hugs!)))

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