Been thinking a lot lately. Life. Death. Everything in between. So many loved ones have come to mind.
Stacy*. Katie. Bob. Carl. Uriah.
Bob. A year-and-a-half since you committed suicide, and I cried over you again tonight. You were more than a co-worker, you were my friend. I miss you. All the time.
It seems like lately so many of my loved ones are struggling with different things. Not naming any names, because while some of been public about them, others are choosing not to. Just know for each of you that I think of you. Often. Daily. More than once a day.
Pray for you. For your families. As you go thru these things. Stressful things. Painful things. Hard things.
It's so hard sometimes. Life. I know. I've been there. Quite frankly, sometimes it sucks.
But it's good. Life is good. God is good. We just have to get thru those rough patches.
When your dad becomes seriously ill seemingly overnight.
Or your grandpa's been sick for a while, but is getting dangerously worse.
Or your child is sick. Again.
Or the doctors don't know why you keep getting sick.
Or you're struggling in your marriage.
Or empty nest syndrome has set in.
Or you're fighting to get thru your depression. That you may or may not admit you're struggling with.
Or you can't find a job that pays the bills.
Or your grandma died.
Whatever. So many problems. So many struggles. So much pain right now.
I just can't help thinking about each of you. Everyone. Those whose problems I don't know about. Those who I do.
And I want to do something. I want to help. I want to save everyone. I want to be there for everyone.
Quite frankly, it's impossible. One, sure. Two, maybe. And so on. But everyone? Impossible.
You can't save the world. At least I can't.
But maybe I should try. Maybe we all should.
I mean, maybe we can't do anything big, but...
Maybe we could be a little nicer, be a little more helpful. Maybe we could share an encouraging word, just because. Or smile at someone who seems down.
Maybe just doing our job well, helps someone. How? Because they know they can rely on you.
Some things are preventable, or at least early-detectable. Cancer. Heart disease. Suicide.
Maybe I could spread the word about these conditions. Warning signs. What to do. How to seek treatment. How to get help.
Maybe we all could.
Maybe we could all do a little bit more to serve our fellow man, to serve our world.
Still figuring out how.
But maybe that's just part of the journey.
I mean, part of my journey was going thru my struggles with depression & anxiety & such. There were plenty of times I was in survival mode. It truly felt like it was all I could do to make it thru the day.
I think we all go thru times like that, for one reason or another. And during those times, maybe it's not that we're serving ourselves, as much as it is we're just trying to live.
But now those issues are past for me, and I feel a real pull to serve. And shouldn't we all? This verse speaks perfectly of my situation:
"For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another." -- Galations 5:13
I have my liberty. I am free. I cannot use this liberty purely for myself. I must, by love, serve those around me.
And though I want to, for some reason I've had a hard time figuring out how to do it, where to jump in, what to do, when, how.
Maybe it's all about love. Maybe I just need to love. As a verb, love, express love, show my love to others, however that may manifest. Maybe that is enough. Maybe that will help me figure it out. Maybe, if I just concentrate on that, then little-by-little, maybe it'll work its way into bigger action as I settle back into serving & loving others.
Part of the journey, I suppose.
Back to my loved ones suffering right now. Just know that I am thinking of you, and praying for you. Know that I love you.