Thursday, April 12, 2012

I figured it out!

Why I'm a bitch, that is.

a tongue-in-cheek reflection of an earlier post

I had this revelation a couple of weeks ago, after finally losing it with Jena.

She had been repeatedly disobedient all day, for hours, despite time outs, taking away privileges, everything I could think of, and I just lost it. Yelled at her, dragged her out of a restaurant, yelled at her some more.

Not my finest parenting moment.

But you know what? She was good as gold afterward.

And later that day I had a mini-breakdown.

Why doesn't anyone listen to me? Not just Jena, my husband, my co-workers, my bosses... no one.

Unless... I lose it. If I reach a point where I am either completely blowing up out of frustration & anger, or sobbing out of desparation.... well, then people seem to listen to me.

It's happened with Jason before. I completely lose it, and suddenly he's treating me better than he had in months.

It's happened at work. No one pays one bit of attention to me, until I lose it. Then suddenly stuff is happening.

And now it's happening with Jena.

I don't like being a b****.

I surely don't like blowing up at people, reaching the end of my rope, breaking down and sobbing out of desperation.

But... it appears that's the only way to get anyone to listen to me. Or so it seems.

It's so frustrating to me.

And I had this realization... no wonder people think I'm a b****. They don't even hear me, don't even see me until I have these meltdowns. I'm completely invisible except for these moments where (I feel) I'm at my worst. So that becomes all they remember.

They didn't even see me before. All they see is the anger, the frustration boiling over.

So of course they see a b****.

So now I get it.


Amber said...

You're not alone!! I can't count how many times I've said to my Boo - "why do I have to yell for you to hear me?"

As far as preschoolers go, I don't think it's an ignoring thing. Every now and then I have to "shout" to help Auburn disengage herself from the behavior cycle.

Work...well you know. Squeaky wheel and all!

Embrace your inner bitch, my friend!! Long live the bitches!

AiringMyLaundry said...

I understand. I feel like no one listens to me sometimes too. My kids seem to think I'm a big joke and that can get frustrating.

Marianne said...

You need to find the middle road between the b**** and the unheard woman. They're not respecting you when you b****, they treat you better because they don't want you blowing up again. You've got to be assertive without being the b****.

Anonymous said...

I just said to T1 tonight after yelling at her (after asking her/telling her to brush her teeth IN the bathroom, not flitting around the family room...waiting to fall and gag herself on the toothbrush tyvm) do I HAVE to speak to you this loudly in order for you to hear and process what I have to say?!!? Gah. Ace does it sometimes but usually there's something else going on. My boss isn't aware that there are people on the planet other than him so...yeah.

Let us know if you find a way to walk that line.

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