Thursday, March 1, 2012

I almost declared a mental health day today, or...

... quit my job.

But I did neither. I pushed through. Like I always do.

On the way to work this morning, stressed out as usual, I broke down once again.

I had a conversation with the imaginary people in my car about how no, I cannot get it together. Can't you see that I'm trying? Can't you see that I've been trying for three years? That I'm a great wife, a great mom, a great employee, and a great volunteer, but when you put them all together I fail at each & every one? Can't you see that I'm barely getting by, and struggling every day?

I seriously considered dropping Jena off at preschool, then turning around, going back home, and crawling back into bed.

But I kept heading toward work anyway.

So then as I walked thru the parking lot, I thought maybe I should quit my job. Just quit. Enough's enough. Put in my notice, I'm done, I can't do it anymore.

But I went in, sat down at my desk, and got to work anyway.

It's what I do. I get it done. Mostly. And poorly, nowadays. But I get it done. Mostly.

2 comments:

Amber said...

:( You need a vacation (or a staycation cuz lets face it we're married to firefighters). Or maybe even a trip to the spa to get a mani pedi. :)

Amberr said...

I've been in those shoes. Thought I'd need a stay at a mental health facility to escape my intense former job. I make a lot less money now, but I am so much happier. Take some time off--wave the white flag on the battle to keep up with the routine. You deserve it.

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