Monday, August 29, 2011

Re-focusing... my self

I've decided to take a break, of sorts, from writing on my blog.

I will also be greatly limiting my other internet interactions (facebook, twitter, message boards, etc) at the same time.

Not a total break, but a self-imposed significant restriction on those items.

Why, you ask?

Well, the word "image" has been brought into my attention over the past year or so, first at such great intervals so as not to really notice, but lately with greater and greater frequency.

And I have been struggling internally because, on a related note, I often feel like my image doesn't reflect who I am.

And that fact was thrown in my face brought to my attention very clearly recently on a message board. The member's response to my post not only assessed my actions, but touched on her assessment of me. And while I disagree with her assessment, I own it.I would like to state that again.

I take ownership of her assessment of me.

Why? Because the image others have of ourselves, their assessments of us as people, they can only base on what we put out there.

Oh sure, they combine what we put out there with their own experiences, their own baggage, and roll it it all up into their image of us, but... at least 90% of it we have to own, because it's what we have shown.

So while I disagreed with her approach, I never refuted what she said. But I have given it the situation a lot of thought, and how it fits into my journey. It's something I was already thinking about, already trying to improve upon.

In fact, a major catalyst for my Spread the Happy posts was, well, not so much intended to change my image, as it was to help me change my mindset and what I am putting out there.

This past weekend I attended our church's Women's Retreat. Friday night the speaker spoke on... you guessed it... image.

Okay, she never actually used that word. But her message was based on this verse:

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:..."    -- Proverbs 23:7a

and she used this picture for illustration:

And her whole message revolved around how we see ourselves versus how we truly are versus what the world sees versus what God sees.

And somewhere during her message, it hit me. I need to stop. Just stop. I need to stop putting things out into the world, until I get my internal self in order. And the fact is, I'm just not there yet.

I'm working on it. I'm greatly improved, but... not there.

And as much as I enjoy writing thru my journey, and as therapeutic as I find it, and as much wonderful support as I have gotten from my readers... I need to take a break.

I don't know for how long. And it won't be a 100% total break. And most likely I will still be writing, just not posting. Yet. Because the writing is so therapeutic for me.

And then when I am ready to post those musings, I can read & re-read and re-read again, and decide if they are truly reflective of my self.

If the image truly reflects the person.

Because right now, I don't think it does. Not totally.

I hope ya'll will stick around. I do plan to be back. But if God leads me in another direction, I'll be sure to let you know. But for now... I do plan to be back.

Take care, and, as always... thanks for checking in.


Melissa said...

While I understand taking a step back, it does sadden me. I enjoy reading your posts and many times reflecting them to my own. I will miss your stories and updates. I hope you are able to return in the future. Take care!

'Yellow Rose' Jasmine said...

You do what you need to do. I have been happy to find you recently and have benefited from what you have posted.
Remember, no one is perfect and doing our best is often really all we can do.

Gina said...

Good luck - we'll be here when you get back!

Marianne said...

Happy trails my friend, until we meet again!

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