This has been a hot topic around our household lately.
We discussed children, including numbers, early on in our dating relationship, realizing that this topic could be a dealbreaker.
Jason wanted two. I wanted more, maybe three or four, but also realized that I wasn't getting any younger, so felt like two was... reasonable.
After having Jena, however, we've gone in completely opposite directions.
Jason is done having kids. He is happy with one, and doesn't want any more.
I... could easily & happily be a Duggar if we could manage it. Seriously. Give me 20 kids. And counting.
This... is a problem.
We can't figure out how to resolve this issue. Basically, one of us will get what we want, while the other is left... less than happy about it.
Basically one of us gets screwed.
And this is a BIG issue, right? I mean, it's kids. Does it get any bigger than that in a marriage?
I feel like my heart is breaking for another child. The ache in my chest is so familiar from when I wanted marriage & a family and it didn't seem possible. It's the same ache.
I honestly don't feel like our family is complete. I feel like there is still a piece missing.
And I hurt for more babies.
I'm not done yet. I'm just not.
While my stance is taken in my heart, Jason's is more in his head. He's not totally opposed to at least one more child. He just doesn't see how it would work, logistically. Two kids in daycare. One being a newborn. I think he's as uncomfortable as I am with putting a newborn in a daycare center, but my parents won't be available this time around, and certainly not for two children. In fact, he's made the statement several times that he would be willing to have more children if I could be a stay-at-home-mom. Which isn't in the cards just yet.
Neither of us wants to force a decision on the other, just for our own happiness.
But neither of us wants to be the one getting screwed either.
And it's not like it's an issue you can compromise on. You can't exactly have half a kid.
Or something you can do on a trial basis.
Okay hunny, we'll have one more kid, but if you're not happy with two kids, I promise to send this one back.Nope. Doesn't work that way.
And it's not like either decision is more right or more wrong than the other, you know? Just different. We both agree that neither decision is going to be better or worse for our family. They just create different scenarios.
So how do you decide?
One of my fears is that by the time we make a decision, if we do decide to have more children, then we will have waited too long and then I won't be physically able to have anymore children.
Let's face it, I'm no spring chicken. Especially when it comes to babymaking. I am dangerously close to the so-old-that-you're-automatically-a-high-risk-pregnancy-just-because-you're-so-old line. Seriously close to that line.
And... one of the reasons we started trying to conceive so soon after our wedding date is because we both have been told by doctors in the past to expect fertility issues. We fully expected it to take longer to conceive. Had the whole when-to-revisit-the-OB, and then when-to-see-the-fertility-specialist dates all mapped out.
It is by God's grace that we conceived Jena on our 2nd cycle trying. And I am acutely aware that just because we conceived so quickly with her, doesn't mean that she's not our "miracle baby", doesn't mean that we don't have actual fertility issues that just haven't been found yet.
We haven't been promised anything, you know?
So... much like this topic in our household, this post has no conclusion, just filled with my rambling thoughts on the subject.
Thanks for checking in!
because this is my #1 most viewed post (as of Jan 2013, and pretty much since it posted), I feel like I should link here to an update. So I am.
Read update on this issue here.