Wednesday, December 15, 2010

On. The. Edge.

That's the only way I can describe it.

Ever since my dad's surgery, I feel like I'm teetering on the edge. Like I'm walking this fine line, and that I'm gonna fall off at any moment. Or maybe one day I'll just get tired of struggling to stay on it, and I'll jump off.

Truth be told, it doesn't really take much to push me over that edge right now.

I had a breakdown at Toys-R-Us yesterday because I couldn't find winter pajamas that I liked in FireGirl's size for her to wear Christmas morning, and thru the rest of the winter.

I got mad, like really angry, at FireMan the other day because he off-handedly called me "boring".

I told you, it doesn't take much.

And in case you've never walked the edge of a steep cliff, or balanced on a tight rope, or anything similar, it also takes an enormous amount of energy just to keep going.

So I'm constantly exhausted.

I just keep telling myself I just have to make it to January. If I can just get thru this year, get thru the rest of this month, next year will be better, 2011 is gonna be awesome. Right?

Please don't tell me any differently, because right now that's keeping me going.

So that's me in a nutshell right now. On the edge. I really don't know how else to describe it. Just teetering on the edge.


Melissa said...

Hang in there, and don't forget to stop and enjoy the holiday season. I know it's a crazy busy time of year, and you have a lot going on, but you also have an amazing 2 year old who lights up with the magic of Christmas. She will grow up so fast and while it will always be an exciting time for children this is a special year, one where she can participate and bring joy to all of the holiday traditions from your past and her future. So while I know things are tough right now, and you are struggling to just get through the day. Please try to make time to bring the magic of Christmas into your house. It will brighten your day and remind you how fortunate you are to have such a wonderful family and be such a special mom. And then before you know it the year will be over and 2011 will be here and YES it will be AWESOME!

Candace said...

The similarities between you and I right now are uncanny... of course, different circumstances, but very similar emotions. We really need a night together my "in real life" friend! Love you and hang in there! I am here if you need me!

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