Sunday, August 22, 2010

Dear Everyone:

This is something we all, yes by "all" I mean even myself, need to hear once in a while.

If you are not happy with a situation, you are responsible for making an effort to change it.

I was going to say "You are responsible for your own happiness", or "You are responsible for changing unhappy circumstances" or something like that, but I also want to acknowledge that some things are out of our control. But it doesn't mean you get to just sit around unhappy, complaining to everyone, without even trying to effect change.

You do have to at least try.

This is no more true than in our interpersonal relationships.

We can't force people to change. If we're not happy with something in a relationship, we can't make the other person change. But we also can't expect them to fufill our needs if we don't help them, help us.

Does that make sense?

For example,

If you're a homebody, but your friend / significant other / whoever keeps dragging you out to a different club every night, and you say nothing, but gradually become more & more miserable because you just want to spend some quiet time at home... well... you can't blame the friend for doing what they like. You never even made the effort to fulfill your own needs. Get it?

Likewise, if you like to go out all the time, and your friend is a homebody, you can't just sit there week after week and then blow up on your friend one day because you never go out & do what you want to do. Did you ever say anything? Did you ever speak up? Did you ever suggest an idea of what to do? No? Then why are you mad at them? Be angry with yourself.

Did that help prove my point? I hope so.

You have to speak up. You have to make your own efforts to do something that you enjoy. You can't just expect everyone in your life to cater to you, always pick what you like, and then if they don't start whining about how you never get to do what you want to do. Did you ever say anything?

No? Then shut the heck up.

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