Wednesday, July 21, 2010

"Feeling Invisible has Brought out Very Strange Feelings of Jealousy"

"Did it happen because me, the real me, the full me, just isn't good enough to be seen anymore? Am I no longer attractive, or fun, or even worth listening to? Feeling invisible has brought out very strange feelings of jealousy. I feel a little desperate to convince myself that I really do exist in the really am a part of all that is going on around me, even when it feels as if I'm not... if Michael can't see me, then I don't want him to be able to "see" anyone else. If I have to suffer from his blindness, I don't want to hear about some woman at work who doesn't."
page 17

Yep. Jealous. For me it's not even women. I wish FireMan heard me like he hears his coworkers. I wish he wanted to do things for me like he wants to do for Water Rescue. I wish he put as much weight on how I feel as he does on how his mom feels.

Some days it feels as if I am the most insignificant, invisible, person in his life.

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