Friday, June 11, 2010

I meant it then...

I was watching a rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond last night, and there was something that bothered me.

Debra's parents announced they were divorcing, and when Debra asked her mom what about the vows, did they mean nothing, her mom replied with something like "well, we meant it then".

Listen, marriage is a commitment. It takes work. It is a lifelong commitment. If you're not willing to make that commitment, for life, then don't get married. It really is that simple.

Traditional vows state that you are committing to one another "till death do us part", not "till we don't feel like it anymore".

I guarantee that at one point or another, one or both of you will want out. I can with 99% certainty say that that will happen to pretty much every married couple at least once during their lives together. It ain't all puppies & rainbows people.

Love isn't enough. Love, love, love. It's a great start, but it doesn't get the job done. By the way, folks, love is an action, not an emotion. It's a verb. It requires action. Lust & infatuation are the emotions. Love is the action. Love without action, isn't love.

But that was a bit of a tangent, wasn't it?

Anyway, it just really bites my butt when people get divorced because they don't "mean it" anymore. Basically they're saying that the feelings aren't there anymore, and they're tired of working at it.

I'm not against all divorce. In an abusive situation? Absolutely, get the heck outta there. Spouse cheated on you? Not only  understandable that you divorce them, but also biblically justified. They abandoned you? Well, a little more of a gray area, but marriage does take two, so if they abandon you, what choice do you have?
But divorcing because you don't feel it anymore? Grow up. You made a commitment. You took vows, most likely before "God and these witnesses", that you would stay together for your entire life. Keep your word, and work thru your issues. Is it easy? No. But most things in life worth fighting for, don't come easy.

"More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse."  --Doug Larson


Steph{anie} said...

I agree with you 100%. Even though I'm not married, I have learned a lot about marriage by watching other people. In our society, marriage is disposable and is very often not taken seriously. It is so sad that our culture has devalued something that should be considered sacred. I pray that if God chooses to bless me with marriage, I will put my all into making it last forever.

I have really enjoyed your posts are a great writer!

Jene said...

I have to disagree with your assessment of what constitutes a good reason to end a marriage. I watched my parents fall out of love while I was growing up. I don't think it was anything that either one of them did, just that they gradually just grew in very different directions. They worked hard to stay together, including church counseling and church marriage programs, but it just wasn't there anymore. After that, they tried to stay together for the sake of the kids. I can't even begin to describe how awful that experience was for us. Now that they've been divorced more than 10 years, each one of them is happier than I've ever known them to be. Sometimes it's just not working out, and while it's sad, it happens.

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