Tuesday, May 25, 2010

It's about feelings

Interesting point that my therapist made last night.

We were talking about something that FireMan & I disagree about. I said "He feels that he _________, but I disagree"

She stopped me there and said that it's not about what I think. It's not even about who's right. It's about what FireMan feels.

Conversely if I'm feeling a certain way, it's not about whether I'm right or wrong, or whether or not FireMan agrees with me, it's about how I feel.

Oh yes, there are certainly times when we need to point out rights & wrongs, and there's a time & place for that, but what she was saying is that in our marriage (and really any relationship), it's about how we react to our partner's feelings more than who is right or wrong. That if I acknowledge FireMan's feelings, and base my reaction & words with consideration to how he feels, then the overall outcome will be better.

Last night was a really good session. The first time I actually broke down & cried in there. She (and I) feel that we're moving forward positively, but that I still need help processing some thoughts & feelings that I have regarding recent events, and getting control of my thoughts overall (mainly).
I am so glad I made the decision to go. I feel so much better when I leave there. I love that she not only helps me work on what I need work on, but she also points out what we're doing that is moving us forward positively, and she helps me to understand why. "Why" is huge for me. According to my parents it has been since I was a little girl. And going to counselling helps me understand some "whys", sometimes even why I do or say or feel a certain way. I'm so glad I'm going. I wish I had gone sooner.

I may touch on some other topics that we discussed later on. Her point about our partner's feelings really resonated with me, so I wanted to do a brief blog about it.

Thanks for checking in!

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