Tuesday, May 4, 2010

FireGirl's First Day Home (sparked by a question posted on a message board)

I don't remember much. I remember nursing on our bed. I remember having to poop and screaming from the pain, I remember FireMan sending his parents to the pharmacy to get my Vicodin prescription filled, I remember FireMan in the bathroom with me trying to help me, I remember a lot of pain. I remember some screaming. I remember sitting on the couch, watching the neighbors coming across the yard on their way to visit, I remember FireMan intercepting them to tell them it's not a good time. I remember a lot of pain. Unfortunately, other than vague memories of the nursing, I don't remember FireGirl at all.

I hated my birth experience. And my recovery. See, FireGirls' first day home she was four days old, five days after I entered the hospital. And yes, it was still that bad.

Most of all, I hate that I don't remember most of my daughter's first days. And what I do remember is mostly shrouded in pain & drug-induced haze. And pain. Lots & lots of pain.

I hate that I can't say that the day FireGirl was born was one of the best days of my life. It wasn't. It sucked. It was definitely one of the worst days of my life. Don't get me wrong, the blessing of FireGirl is immense, but the day itself?

Let's see... contined labor from the day before, so starting with 12:01am on Tuesday (the day FireGirl was born), I had another 18 hours of hard labor. I remember pain. Lots of pain. I remember puking from the pain. I remember puking so much I started puking bile. Eighteen more hours of hard labor (30 total hrs). Followed by a difficult forceps delivery. I remember them laying her on my chest, I remember them pushing on my belly and me trying to hold in the cries, I remember my tear being stitched up, and I remember FireMan sending the nurse to get my & his mom, and him telling his mom to sit down & giving her FireGirl, and I remember my mom standing in front of me, while nurses and doctors whirred around in the background, and then I remember nothing. Apparently, I was in so much pain they gave me something to knock me unconscious, and I woke up at 6am the next morning.

That is my memory of the day FireGirl was born.

But you know what? It was worth every second.

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