Friday, April 23, 2010

Something You Should Know About Me

Something anyone who has any contact with me or my loved ones should probably know.

Consider this a PSA.

A friend once told me that I had probably the longest fuse of anyone that he ever knew. But he also said that he's pretty sure he doesn't want to ever be there for the explosion.

You know what? I think he was right.

I put up with a lot. I give everyone 2nd chances. And sometimes 3rd. I give even when I'm being taken from. I try to extend love to others, even as they are hurting me. I am loyal, to what sometimes seems like a fault.

But... when that explosion happens... I tend to take out innocent bystanders. I don't mean to. I really don't. But it's an explosion. That's what happens. And I'm really sorry for those bystanders.

So... while the long fuse is great, the explosion... needs work. I'm not proud of that part of me.

Along the same lines... I am extremely defensive. Extremely. Over-the-top.

I am, by nature, not an aggressive person. I am passive. Even submissive at times. Definitely not aggressive.

But... if I feel like I, or my loved ones, or something I hold dear, is being attacked... I defend... And I mean defend. So much so that sometimes it's perceived as me being aggressive. But it's not. It's definitely defensive.

I like the Momma Bear analogy.

Momma Bear is going about her life, walking thru the woods, taking care of her family, minding her own business. Then, Momma Bear perceives that her cubs are being threatened. And Momma Bear no likey. Momma Bear charges anyone & anything in sight that might possibly be involved in this threat. Massive clawed paws extended, teeth bared. And sometimes... someone just minding their business enjoying nature gets in between Momma Bear and the offender.
Sometimes that innocent person gets hurt. I don't mean it. I really don't. You see, I didn't even see them standing there. I was so focused on the person attacking my family, that I clawed my way thru anyone who got in the way of me defending my family.
And I'm really sorry. Really sorry. That is wrong of me. The problems is, I don't see that person until it's too late. Until the damage is already done.

But I will defend my loved ones. I will defend my family. I will defend my marriage. To whatever extreme I think it takes.
As much as I love that I will defend my loved ones to such an extreme, I hate the part of me that hurts the innocent.

So... if I have (or ever do) unintentionally hurt you in one of the above-described scenarios. I'm sorry. Please give me another chance. I'm working on it.

And... in case you haven't figured it out... don't mess with me or my loved ones. You see, Momma Bear... she never loses.


Melissa said...

I am totaly the same way! I can have all the patience in the world, but when it runs out, BOOM! Watch out! This is why my brothers call me mean, but my grandma thinks I don't have a mean bone in my body. I also need to work on my temper.

Marianne said...

My husband is the same way. We were married 5 years before I saw him blow! A long fuse is not always a good thing. I think you need to deal with things as they come, if not, they build up and BOOM! It's really not good to keep it all in, you need to vent on a regular basis.

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