Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Post Partum Depression Update

So, you may remember that back in February I was given the okay to wean off of my meds.

And that is going... not so well. I've decided to go back on my full dose.

I kept having seriously unreasonable anxiety, and just some really horrible thoughts. That I don't like. An example?
While in Iowa, one of FireGirl's cousins took her upstairs to play. The thought came to me that I should go get FireGirl because her cousin is probably suffocating her with a pillow. I resisted, as difficult as it was, because I knew that was ridiculous and her cousin would never do anything to hurt her. But it was hard. It's like two parts of me are fighting. The crazy part that says FireGirl is in danger, and the reasonable part that knows that's crazy.
Of course, FireGirl was just fine.

And that's just one example. They are horrible, horrible thoughts and they pop into my mind from out of nowhere, and then I can't shake them.
And I don't like them.

I would rather spend the rest of my life medicated than have those thoughts in my head.

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