Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Follow-Up to my fear of not being liked

First of all, I have to say that I heart Nota. She always leaves comments that make me look harder at the situation / myself and dig a little deeper.

So, to address her comment that maybe part of the reason that I'm reluctant to leave FireGirl is that I'm afraid she won't like me: sorry, but you're wrong on this one. LOL.

I did take it into consideration though, and gave it some serious thought & reflection. And that's really not it.
My reluctance to leave FireGirl to do things for myself stems mostly from Working Mom's Guilt, as I've come to call it. And the rest of it stems from my own selfishness, LOL. I want to spend time with her. I want to be with her. Just because I want to, not for any other reason.
There's also another small part that wants to protect her. I don't want her to ever, ever think that I am putting myself above her. I don't want her to ever feel that I am pawning her off on the sitter just so mommy can go have fun without her. I don't ever want her to feel that she is unwanted by me.
And no, it's not because I want to make sure she likes me. I know she loves me. And right now I'm the greatest. And at some point when she's older I won't be the greatest anymore, but I trust that she will still love me.
It's truly because I want to protect her from these bad feelings, as much as a mother can.

And I do do things for myself. It's difficult at times. Okay, most of the time. Okay, every time.
But as much as my heart sometimes breaks, my head knows that I can't be a good mommy if I don't take care of myself. And I also know that by taking care of myself, I am teaching my daughter that it's okay to do things for yourself from time to time.

So... on that note... our church recently started TempleWatchers. It is a Christian weight loss program, based on the following passage of Scripture:

"What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." -- I Corinthians 6:19-20

I just found out about it Sunday, and the first meeting was yesterday, but I had made no arrangements for anyone to watch FireGirl, so I had to miss last night's meeting. But I've already made arrangements for my parents to watch FireGirl late on the Monday's that they have her, and FireMan is on board and understands & agrees that this means that on the Monday's he has her, that he'll be on his own with her for dinner and I'll be home late. Both my husband & my parents are really supportive of me doing this, so that really helps.
I'm nervous to go next week, but kind of excited too.

And on the fear-of-not-being-liked and being lonely note: I scheduled a playdate for FireGirl this Thursday. Just invited all the moms with young children that I knew lived near me, and/or I thought they might come. So far we have 2 people who have confirmed they are coming, and 4 maybe's. If it goes well, I think I'm gonna try to schedule one per month. FireGirl needs some friends closer to her own age, and I could definitely use some friends of my own, LOL.

Thanks for checking in!

1 comment:

Nota said...

Thanks. :) I try. Even when I'm off base. Which I'm glad that I am on this one.

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