Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I hate being a working mom (VENT)

Hate, hate, HATE it.

Don't misunderstand me. I don't mind working. I don't mind holding down a job, working full-time outside of the home, bringing home a paycheck. What I do is okay, the guys I work with are awesome.

And I love being a mom. LOVE it. Cannot say enough about how rewarding it is.

What I don't like is the balancing act. I hate splitting my time.
I hate leaving FireGirl in the mornings.
I hate hearing about everything she did that day instead of being there to witness it myself.
I hate that I can't find a playgroup to join because they all meet during the workday.
I hate that I can't enroll her in any classes at the YMCA this quarter, because all of the ones for her age group meet during the workday.
I hate that I've already looked at classes & activities for her as she gets older, and 99% of them are during the workday, so my daughter will miss out on these experiences because I have a job.
I hate days like today, where I take a long lunch to take her to the pediatrician, and she gets shots & blood drawn, and is just terribly upset, and then I have to hand her back over & go back to my stupid desk. Why can't I just go home with her & cuddle her all afternoon? My child has just experienced what, to her, is traumatic. And instead of being there with her, her mommy just hands her back over & goes back to work? What kind of a mother is that?!?
This is ridiculous.

I hate that my house is a continual disaster, because I'm going during the day, and I feel so guilty about being gone during the day that during the evenings & weekends I refuse to do housework while FireGirl is awake, so I'm extremely limited on my available remaining time to get chores done. As much has I hate the messy house, I hate not being there more.

I hate that I feel guilty when FireMan & I want to take a vacation, because I'm already gone from FireGirl so much for work, how can I just leave her for days just for fun?!? Wanting to spend time alone with my husband shouldn't make me feel guilty.

I hate being a working mom.

1 comment:

Marianne said...

Oh, I so remember that feeling, especially since my husband's ex was our babysitter. I really resented her for getting to stay home with my kids while I went to work to help pay for child support and day care. And when they were in grade school, I wanted so badly to be a mom who helped at school, but all the other non-working moms held their meetings in the morning. I saved my days off so I could at least chaperone field trips, but I still feel like I missed out on so much.

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