Thursday, September 3, 2009

Just a thought

So, after a lengthy, and disgruntled, conversation between Jason and myself the other night, the following thought / piece of advice came to mind:

Stop doing things for your spouse that you want done for you, and start doing things for your spouse that they want done.

It seems so simple, but I think we can't be the only ones who make this mistake. And I am as guilty of it as he is. We tend to do things for each other based on what we want, instead of thinking of what the other person wants.

I've even read magazine articles & even marital help books suggesting that if you want your partner to do something for you, you do it for them, and they'll reciprocate. One example that I recall is a book suggesting to women that if they want their husbands to be more romantic, the women should do romantic things for the men, then the husbands will in turn do the same for their wives.
I mean, maybe, right? But if I bring Jason home a dozen roses, I don't think he's likely to think "that was nice, maybe I'll bring Jodi some". He's more likely to think "what in the world made her think I want flowers?".

And besides, when you do what you want but for them, even if it's for them, isn't it still in a way, selfish? Because you're giving them what you want, not what they want. You're not taking the time or effort to think about what they want. You're in a sense taking the easy way out.

Is this making any sense at all?

I hope so. Because for me it was a revelation, and I think it's a really good one.

Stop doing things for your spouse that you actually want done for you, and start doing the things that they want done for them.

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