Wednesday, August 26, 2009

So I've been meaning to post this for a while...

... but I can't seem to find the right words. So I'm just gonna say it and hope it comes out right.

I am more me now than I have ever been.
My husband, my loving Jason, make me more me. He brings out sides of me that I never knew existed. Parts of me that I had forgotten about long ago. Parts of me that I always wanted to be, but never were. Being with him, makes me a better me. Not a better person, mind you, but a better me.

My daughter, my wonderful Jena, makes me more me. I am less self-conscious around her. Screw the rest of the world, I only have eyes for her when she's around. So who cares if I look like an idiot with a paci in my mouth? It makes her giggle. And since I am less self-conscious, I am more me than ever.

And I'm happy with that me. I'm content. Satisfied. In love with my "new" family and in love with my life.

Oh sure, there are things that could be better. Always are. One of my strong points, and simultaneously one of my vices, is that I always look for improvement. In everything (including myself). It doesn't mean that I'm not happy. It just means that I understand that perfection is not achievable, so there is always room for improvement.

One thing that I love, is that although my friends are fewer now, I feel like the ones I have now really know who I am, and love me for me.
I don't feel like I'm typecaste into a box anymore, and I really wish some of my older friends (particularly from college) could know me as I am now. Because I think I'm better this way.

For so long I was the TrumpetChick, the BandNerd. The SmartiePants. The ChristianGirl. The GirlFriend. The BaptistGirl. The NaiveOne. The FatOne. Whatever. Maybe it's all perception, but I felt like I was pigeonholed into one or more of these roles. That I had to live up to that description, and also that I would never be known as more.

Now? I don't feel like I'm in any box. I'm everything, all at once. I'm me. I'm Jodi.

Like I said, I don't have near as many friends as I used to, but I feel like the ones I do have love me for me.

It's been a long journey to this point. But I definitely see how Jason & then Jena were so instrumental in getting me to this point. They're so awesome. They're my family.

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